My Life: One of the Few Things I'm Getting Right

I was with a girl in my room the other day. We were discussing food, among other things. She then said one of the most wonderful things I ever heard, "I have a delicious apple!"

To clarify, "my room" was my old room in my parents' house, the girl in question is my niece, and she is two. My heart melted.

I know a lot of things are wrong with my life. I'm looking for a better job, I suddenly need a new roommate, the whole "Moon language, love, die alone and unloved, blah blah blah" stuff. But I am happy with the fact that despite it all, or perhaps because of it all, I still am close with my family, or at least my immediate family. I notice that a lot of my friends and women I know (in the sense that they're the ones I actually want to date, not cute misdirections,) have less luck, being constantly frustrated by one or more parents or other family members, so I know I have it relatively lucky.

Not that it's always easy. I try to make sure I keep in touch with them, and I'm close enough to visit them regularly. Usually once a week, on Sundays more often than any other day, I drive the 28 or so miles to the parents home in Darien, or perhaps I visit my brother or we collectively go out to eat. Unless some of us are extremely busy or sick, there are no exceptions. Sometimes, the entire experience gets on my nerves, especially on days when they feel compelled to spend three hours at a restaurant or when it otherwise takes them forever to start a plan. I'm too A type and methodical, and I get impatient easily. But it is worth the occasional day like that.

Among my family, though, the one that impresses me the most is my brother, because he at least made something work right. Now, I love my family, but we're not the most successful or lucky people. We all have jobs we dislike or are unsatisfied with, despite collectively being smart people. And socially, we tend to be introverts or socially awkward. Some of us, like my mom, fake it better than most, and she's managed to become pretty popular, but it's not something that is instinctive or that comes naturally to us. Despite all that, my brother at least is on the right track to success in life, if not vast financial riches. Over the last few years, he got married, had a child, got a decent starter house, and is otherwise on the fast track to adulthood. Not bad for someone 26 years old. And he may be sick of the long hours of his job, but at least it’s in a field that he loves. He can stand to improve there, but at least he has that.

I'll never forget when I learned about my brother having a child. I was visiting the family, and we decided (for reasons I would later figure out,) to go out to eat instead of the normal meal at home. I was tired and annoyed that day, as I often am, though more the former than usual. I had three soda refills before the talk even turned to the...subject at hand.

I then yelled out "Holy Crap!" in a crowded restaurant.

I was wide awake after that, it should be noted. Despite my surprise, I was happy for both of them. My brother, Mike, and his wife Rose made an excellent couple. The always seemed to get along, they were happy together, and it was remarkable how quickly she became part of the family even before they got married. I was best man at the wedding, which save for the record heat and broken air conditioner at the reception went without a hitch.

And their niece, Violet, is a wonder. I saw he grow up a week at a time, watching her learn how to crawl, walk, and talk. She is incredibly smart for her age and usually very friendly. We all hope she'll get over any social awkwardness we have built in. For now, though, it's just wonderful seeing her every week, watching her act so excited and curious at the world.

I don't agree with every decision my parents made when we were kids, but they remain concerned, sacrificing people, and I want them to know that I love them, and my brother, sister in law, and niece very much. I think they're one of the few things keeping me from just moving to, say, California and starting over with the first job in the industry I could find. I may not be happy with all of my life, but starting over with nothing, including family, would be unbearable.