My Ideas: Something Quick and Crazy

Like most artists (and wannabes who want to call themselves artists) I get many of my ideas from my life. In my case, though, it tends to be less about my real life, and more about the lives I imagine had things been different. Or, even better, a life that's nowhere near normal and careens headlong into weird. After all, if I can't have a normal life, why not aim for something better? And because I have a decent number of regrets with how my life went, lately, my fantasies relate to how I could alter things if I could start over, armed with knowledge I had (or could get if I had a day to prepare.)

These ideas usually stat with me returning to myself at age seven, right about when my family moves to a new town. That's where I generally pinpoint where things went "wrong" for me. I never really adjusted to a new town, which lead to being bullied and ostracized, which made things difficult in high school, and so on. Now, it wouldn't be rewriting time itself. After all, any change I made could cause some people to die as they otherwise lived, or even prevent them from being born. My niece was born 3 years ago, and I wouldn't want to change anything if it meant effectively murdering her. So instead, I would be reborn in an alternate dimension, where "me number 2" could alter this dimension as I saw fit without consequence.

How I do that depends on how little and opportunity I had. My minimalistic version is mostly a matter of confidence and knowledge. I would approach school, for example, in a more assertive way, and much more importantly I won't give a damn about bullies. I still won't worry about sports, but I can try some that I might enjoy more than friggin' volleyball. You know, martial arts, goofy crap like fencing, even something like track. More importantly, I could focus on my video game interests from a much younger age, learning Japanese and even some programming as early as age eight.

But it wouldn't be my idea if I couldn't exploit it more than that. At the minimum, I could easily use it for simple acts of gambling. I certainly would be one of the few to know who shot Mr. Burns, for example. And of course I'll have at least a general knowledge of who to invest in. Now, my fantasies tend to be far more advanced, including not just one, but multiple iterations of this repeated life, letting me easily track lottery numbers and whatnot. I also included the concept of an extradimensional space that also follows me into the past. This ever-expanding "suitcase" would freeze in time when close, but when opened, I could put objects in for later time-skips. This could include newspapers, textbooks and scientific journals, and other ways to help the people of 1986 thanks to the people of 2009. I could warn celebrities and others of their upcoming deaths to prevent or prepare for them, advance science in 20 year iterations, and even prevent disasters like 9/11!

By iteration 5 or so, my theories become pure science fiction. I could even become a cyborg or something better as early as seven or eight. Eventually, I could even invite people into the extra-dimensional space, letting them travel to other dimensions as well as part of a permanent community dedicated to advancing technology. There is no overt end result, but I hope it ends with understanding space and time enough to end the cycle myself, even traveling to earlier dimensions to help the people I left behind when I traveled into the past; even leaving clones is a possibility. But I also wanted an option to stay behind if I ever was so happy with one iteration that I don't want to leave it behind. In that option, the "suitcase" and all the messages I have in it are left to a normal, otherwise unaware seven year old me and I could continue to live my life.

But eventually, like all my ideas, I eventually decided this could be more than a fantasy. It could be a game idea! The game, tentatively called "New Dawn," takes place in a more limited fantasy dimension, but the idea is the same. The player can improve mental stats and retain memories and evidence to change history, though of course each change results in consequences that the player didn't experience last time. Now, for a video game, a goal might be necessary. Maybe something catastrophic happens right before the time-skip, like an alien invasion or the planet being destroyed, and the player must improve technology or magical research enough to stop this threat, thus ending the time skip. There can even be other people with the same ability, and the player has to compete against them by advancing faster than them or finding them and stopping their progress in some way (erasing their memories? Destroying everything in their suitcases? Just making them happy enough that they won't pass their consciousness to another iteration?)

And because my ideas tend to be weird and focused on relationships, I also had one last addition. Either as the default or as an optional ability, exactly one thing would change about the player with every iteration: the player's gender. This would force a new perspective, and it would potentially open up entire new relationships. I say potentially because I don't even know how to start figuring out the player's sexuality in that situation, let alone that of every potential romantic interested, though in the former the ideal is probably just let the player decide.

Is it a possible video game? Sure, even if that last part might go, and provided the budget for a such an expansive game is there. But it's just as important a thought exercise. What would you do? What are the ethics of removing potential people, or potentially possessing your own seven-year old self? How much of your identity is tied up to your body and your experiences? And after a few iterations, how much of your humanity would be left? After centuries of knowledge and multiple body alterations, would you think of yourself as a person, a monster, or a god? How much evil would you be willing to inflict if you know that, at least from your perspective, it would all be reset? At the very least, it's a good insight into what the hell is wrong with me. As for when the "alternating gender" idea entered into the equation, well, I'll let that one go.

My Life: Suddenly Getting Busier

Well, I wish I can say I was bored lately. But these last few weeks have been crazy. First of all, I began my quest to find a school this fall, should I get the opportunity to do so. I visited six schools in the last two weeks, including Flashpoint, Depaul, the Schaumburg Illinois Institute of the Arts, the International Academy of Design and Technology, Columbia College, and finally Westwood. Phew! I'm tires just saying all that. But I think I narrowed it down to a few schools.

Even so, I haven't even made my most basic decision: what degree should I get? Another Bachelor, a Masters, or just a more informal certificate from an academy like Flashpoint? Before I can even make THAT decision, I need financial information from FAFSA. I doubtlessly need loans to even start this plan. And beyond that, I'll need employment.

Speaking of which, in between panicking over one of the biggest decisions of my life, I actually have become gainfully employed again! For a month. Until the end of June, I'm working in data entry. Unfortunately, the data entry is manual writing, not the obscenely fast typing skills I developed for years. It also means it pays less, but at least it's steady, extending my unemployment while also making more than I did until recently.

And this job gives an hour lunch and two 15-minute breaks, giving me enough time to make phone calls. So I still can decide and make necessary phone calls while working. My creative writing has suffered, however.

So, for the nonexistent people reasind this thing, the question is this: do I get the masters, taking advantage of my bachelor degree in computer science, a more prestigious degree, and largely night classes that allows for more employment opportunities in exchange for a programming-heavy curriculum I'm less interested in, a second bachelor in two years in an art school that's slightly cheaper but has less options for financial aid and a relatively low success rate, but with more hands-on work and internship experience, and finally a very new, very modern academy with its own student loans but with no current accreditation, giving the strongest focus on game development but also the greatest risk? It's a very difficult question, but fortunately I can delay it until I at least get my FAFSA info.